Rohr credits Spanish philosopher Miguel de Unamuno for introducing the concept of the “tragic sense of life” (33). He argued that life is not about attaining perfection or even making progress, and that disorder is inherent in life. Rohr feels that people struggle with this truth, preferring the Newtonian version of the world in which everything has a clear cause and effect. This sense of resolution and certainty is more reassuring than the vulnerable, humble reality that life is unpredictable and messy. Rohr believes that the universe is a complex web of life and death in which disorder is inherent and rules and patterns are not always honored.

Jesus exemplified how to embrace these aspects of life. Rather than rejecting sinners, he included them. He empathized with people on the margins of society, and was a rule breaker himself. Rohr muses on how being perfectionistic or idealistic is a rejection of the world itself: “[P]luriformity, multiplicity, and diversity form the only world there is! It is rather amazing that we can miss, deny, or ignore what is in plain sight everywhere” (37).

While Christians may be uncomfortable with sin and try to avoid it, Rohr points to sin and failure as ways that people ultimately experience redemption. He considers salvation a way of turning sin around so we can benefit from it. In this way, Christianity integrates “falling” or failure into the bigger story of “promised wholeness” (36). Similarly, the Buddhists believe in entering the “great compassion,” which promotes healing. The Bible does not offer a consistent version of Jesus’s life or God’s relationship with people, only that God is with us and that God can be found amidst the loss and disorder of life.

Rohr believes that the Enneagram, a personality typology, is a helpful tool for people’s spiritual growth because it shows how people’s good traits can make them vulnerable to certain sins, which are the other side of that “coin.” This insight helps people actually reflect on their sins and learn from them instead of merely asking for forgiveness or feeling ashamed. Rohr argues that the church should stop idealizing life and lashing out at sin or criticizing sinners. Instead it should help people understand what their sins are, teaching them so they can actually learn to stop sinning in that way. It is essential to give love to our own imperfections in order to make peace with those in others. Rohr reflects on how, historically, Christian societies have created or tolerated terrible crimes (e.g., the Crusades, racism, sexism, enslavement, colonization) due to perceiving people as outside the right ideals or patterns, and laments that this is the opposite of living the Christian message of love.

In his argument to embrace imperfection in ourselves and others the author presents the Catholic church and many believers as uncomfortable with this perspective. By attributing the historical atrocities to the church’s twisted sense of idealism, the author argues that perfectionism can lead to terrible misdeeds. He laments, 

We could say that the tragedy […] of racism, slavery, sexism, the Crusades, the Inquisition, and the two World Wars, all of which emerged in and were tolerated by Christian Europe, are a stunning manifestation of our disillusionment and disgust with ourselves and one another, when we could not make the world right and perfectly ordered, as we were told it should be (38).

Through this discussion Rohr asks the reader to reconsider their attitudes towards sin and imperfection, and soften their judgments of themselves and others, arguing that showing kindness to oneself is the beginning of this process. He writes, “We could not love the imperfection within ourselves or the natural world, so how could we possibly build any bridges toward Jews, Muslims, people of color, women, ‘sinners,’ or even other Christians?” (38). By sharing these thoughts Rohr develops his internal critique of the church, positioning himself as a maverick who wants to inject his alternative perspectives into the existing church rather than leave it altogether.

Chapter Lessons

• People prize order, patterns, and idealized notions of society, but this can lead to perfectionism and judgment
• Jesus taught good values without shaming or rejecting people
• People can learn from sin and see it as a part of their path to love and compassion

Reflection Questions

• Rohr urges readers to have self-compassion and to be more empathetic towards disorder or flaws in others. What are some of the flaws you struggle to forgive in yourself? What are flaws you find difficult to deal with in others?
• Rohr presents the church as complicit in numerous atrocities. How does his view fit, or conflict, with your understanding of the church, historically and in the present?
• Rohr argues that the Enneagram is a spiritually useful tool. What is your Enneagram type? What does it reveal about your traits and how they might be positive or negative?