Rohr believes that cultures develop morals and laws because without them, people struggle psychologically. While people need order and structure, it is also natural to rebel against boundaries and laws. This is one universal paradox. Another paradox is that it is essential to build up an ego and identity in order to reject it and then build a new self.

In modern society many people are raised without clear morals or boundaries, or even a stable sense of family or tradition. This creates adults who have no core morals, but instead randomly pick and choose morals, which lends control to their ego, leading them further away from spiritual growth. Rohr argues that children need rules and boundaries to feel safe and mature; chaos and anarchy create insecurity and rage. Having rules and standards means that children can experience failure, which is crucial for growth. Children who have been coddled and over-sheltered stay immature as teens and adults. Instead, they should receive both conditional and unconditional love to create boundaries, but also a sense of safety and validation. This paradox is also evident in the Bible in God’s approach to governing people.

Rohr argues that people often chase what was missing from their childhoods. For instance, young men who grow up in unstable, single parent homes may seek careers in all-male environments like the military or the church, as the stability, masculinity, and sense of superiority appeal to them. Rohr laments that so many people stay in their spiritual “first half of life” no matter how long they live. He believes that modern America has normalized being “wound identified,” in which people base their identity on their personal hurt to gain sympathy and avoid contributing to others.

He attributes dogmatic politics and religion to people’s attempts to create security and identity for themselves in adulthood, but none of these tribalist methods result in loving societies. He feels that “native” societies which are less materially developed are more accepting of paradoxes, more resilient to failure, and more present with reality and with God. In comparison, the US is neurotic, entitled, overly religious, and materially sophisticated, resulting in myriad societal problems which it tries to treat with prisons, therapy, and reparenting.

He feels that western culture is particularly starved of rituals, and needs more formal traditions to mark leaving one phase of life behind and entering another. In post-war Japan, Japanese people formally honored and thanked their soldiers, and then asked them to transition into civilian life. Rohr compares these soldiers to people’s inner selves, arguing that everyone must have one to provide security and direction in their first half of life, but ultimately outgrow this version of themselves. If they do not, they may confuse their inner soldier with God’s voice and stay immature.

Rohr concludes his chapter by musing that hell is not really an alternative to heaven, but a necessary path to get there. Even Jesus descended into hell before he ascended to heaven, and in initiation rites around the world, people must spiritually “die” before they can be reborn as their new self. Rohr believes this is an essential part of human development and spirituality, arguing that sin can be understood as an opposite to growth.

The author does not support his assessment of human nature and society with any psychological studies or other scholarly work. Instead, he counts on his persuasive framing and personal experience to convince the reader. For instance, he refers to his own scholarly work about initiation rites to present failure and pain as a universal experience before growth. He explains, “Every initiation rite I studied worldwide was always about dying before you die. When you first discharge your loyal soldier, it will feel like a loss of faith or loss of self. But it is only the death of the false self and […] the very birth of the soul” (31). By including his own scholarly work, the author adds some substance to his claims. 

His other evidence includes more references to mythology, with a focus on the Greek tradition, and scriptures from the Bible. This approach lends stories, rather than scholars, a sense of authority. In doing so Rohr presents human nature and spirituality as something best understood by ancient cultures and philosophers, but his work is undermined from a more objective academic standpoint by the lack of peer-reviewed studies or data to support his assertions.

Chapter Lessons

• Self-centered behavior and attitudes are more prevalent in the first half of life
• Structure, boundaries, and moral codes are essential to healthy human development
• Myths and scriptures reveal that failure, pain, and “death” are an essential precursor to spiritual re-birth

Reflection Questions

• Rohr considers mythology and human cultures to be sources of wisdom and authority on personal development and spiritual growth. What aspects of your own culture or tradition do you draw upon in shaping your sense of self and purpose?
• Rohr believes that being raised with too much freedom or too little (e.g., overprotective parenting) can stunt emotional and personal development. Was your own upbringing one of too much structure, or too little? How has that shaped you as an adult?
• Rohr uses the analogy of the Japanese soldier to illustrate his arguments on the importance of letting go of one’s younger, more immature self. What has helped you in embracing your older, more mature self? What aspects of your youth, if any, have you had difficulty letting go of?